| Mar. 20th, 2007 @ 06:59 am Why? |
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Current Mood:  depressed
T-T How come my life sucks so much. To the brink of insanity with all that continues to plague my every thought. Everything transforming... My once cheerful interior is crumbling, and my past warm smiles turning grim as the days crawl by.
My mother and I refuse to get along, we refuse to see directly eye-to-eye.
What can I do? But envy those who have what I want... And will never get, so long as I live. How I long to be pampered and spoiled like the princess I deserve to be. But.. Alas... That's not the life for me... I'm just the simple peasant that is to forever spit shine the shoes of my superiors. And gravel at their every motion and spoken word.
My fingers have never touched the expensive neccessities that everyone but I seem to have. What have I in the first place? An out dated console with a hole through the cover? An mp3 player that holds only 140 of my over 400 collection. A cheap twenty dollar digital camera that has a horrible focus. I can't even take a decent picture of my artwork, without someone complaining about how bad the picture was, as if it were taken by the first prototype of the picture phone.
When I get something that is in the least half decent, it feels like someone is always getting something better. I shall give no examples, for I wish to make no foes, just balance. And so far... While every one is on that high golden plated platter on higher and lighter side of the balance beam. While I stand, along with others of my situation, that have almost near to nothing, but the roof over their head, and minimum food, that barely lasts till the next pay-cheak. Standing heavy hearted, and defeated, almost as if mocked by those who have so much more than I.
I can do nothing but cry for myself, I refuse to have someone pay for me. And if it happends, I feel so uncomfortable, so out of place. As if I was as horrible and cold hearted as those who use others for their own pleasures that can only be filled by materialistic objects. Some throwing around thousands of dollars as if it were pocket change! I have never even seen a thousand dollars, much less spend anythink over 200 dollars on myself.
But, who am I to complain? I have no importance to the world I live in. My skills were insulted, my pride was stepped on, and my ego has dissolved from all traces.
If I continue any further, I will end up in a depressed mood for the rest of the week. So good bye. And salutations. |
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ligerzero_mecha's journal
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